Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
