it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
