Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
