I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
