now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
