I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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