i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
