Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
