you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Help. Why am I so naked?
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