ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
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all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
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The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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