KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
