dude i'm inner monologue high
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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