Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
