i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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