he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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