Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!