I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
