That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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