in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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