You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
