i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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