I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
