you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
