I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
