Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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