He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
