I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
