I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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