I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
