turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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