just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
