Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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