if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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