I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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