I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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