we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
