the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
