Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
