But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
