somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
