She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
