He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm at about main and main street
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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