Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
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I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
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sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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