I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize