TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
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At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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