Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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