Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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