i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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