I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
