A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
