I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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