FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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