Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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