Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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