Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
