You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
