Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Someone shit on the floor
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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